I know I am an emotive person. My emotions are written all over my face and I quite openly express to people how I feel. I find it interesting that in society emotive people are seen as 'weak' and stoic, closed people are seen as 'strong'. I think it would be interesting to see why they are perceived that way and to maybe challenge people's perceptions of this. For example for me I do not see being emotive as a bad thing. I think it is healthy to release what you are feeling, particularly if it is anger, sadness or upset as keeping these things in is often destructive. Also if people can not release their emotions it mean they dwell and fester inside over a long period of time.
My mantra on life has always been 'deal with your shit'. This is one reason I am expressive. I will not allow problems to dwell inside and send myself on a path of self-destruction simply because I don't want to address problems. This is why I think it is interesting that being emotive is seen as weak. I see it as quite the opposite. To never express or deal with problem and to allow them to dictate and control your life and how you treat others is not strong. It is weak. You are not in control. Your emotions are. You are more emotional than an expressive person, but you use a stoic facade to cover it up. Of course facing problems and in particular address people that are involved in these problems is never easy. But life isn't easy. That's just a fact. Deal with it. As I would say deal with your shit. Because at some point it stops being just your problem and it has a negative affect on other people.
The above may seem to be addressed to people who have negative reactions to emotions, be in violence, a high level of anger or self-destructive behaviors like alcohol or substance abuse. But I think just as negative are people who sit on the fence and never express themselves. No one likes getting into confrontations. I hate it! But I will not allow my fear of rocking the boat or possibly upsetting others prevent me from dealing with problems that make me feel bad.
Because I am not afraid to speak up often I am seen as the bolshy one or a drama queen. And people who sit on the fence (or in another term are spineless) are happy, or probably more appropriately, are comfortable for someone else to take the flack. If an outspoken person is happy to voice your opinion then why also stand up and possibly take some negative comments or criticism yourself? The problem is what happens when there is no one to voice your opinion? Then people will trample you and you will allow yourself to be mistreated. Deal with your shit. Take a stand. At some point everyone needs to learn they have to stand up for themselves, be true to themselves and deal with the emotions you have and the reactions these get from others.
Of course this would be a lot easier if all humans were accountable for their actions and rational as well as be able to empathise. Alas this is not the case. Until we reach this place I will have to settle as being seen as an emotional drama queen. But at least I am safe in the knowledge that I am dealing with my shit.
"The feeling is often the deeper truth, the opinion the more superficial one." ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare
“It is the mind which creates the world around us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours, my heart will never stir to the emotions with which yours is touched.” - George Gissing
It's difficult isn't it when we live in a culture where expression of emotions is not something that is appreciated. Instead, emotions are "supposedly" released through fights, debacles, or when we're intoxicated with unnecessary substances.
ReplyDeleteI suppose people call you "drama queen" and "overreacting" just because of the rise in your tonal inflections, your hand gestures, and facial expression. As they do not see those set of behaviours that often and mistaken them as being over the top. Perhaps if you were to be inexpressive they might be able to face it proper.
It's interesting you write about emotions for there are disparities on the expression of emotions across cultures. In "Eastern" cultures, emotions tend to be somatised, whereas in "Western" cultures they tend to be kept as "private", released only at cathartic moments or when "sitting with the shrink".
Again, it goes back to the notion of inhibition that we've discussed exhaustively. If they can't deal with your emotions when you are in a conversation with them, instead of going on with the topic, ask them what ways of expression of emotions do they deem acceptable and you'd be able to gather their understanding of what is "proper" and "improper".
Best not dwell on the subject of emotions too much. If your dissatisfaction with those people is clouding your life, then as you say, deal with it. Get on with it and move on. As you say, if it is something that you can fix, why worry; if it's something that you can't fix, why worry.