Human beings by their very nature are social creatures. Robinson states 'Our core psychological need for "relatedness," say researchers, mandates that we have close relationships with others.' This is what I often refer to as the human touch. It is a primal need for humans to bond and come together. It seems in the digital age as we move towards more online interaction people are forgetting how to relate to each other in real life. The danger of losing the human touch is losing the 'relatedness' that we as humans share. Robinson quotes 'more social isolation feeds less empathy and fewer social skills. We get so used to dealing with people via e-mail or online that we forget how to function around live humans.' This quote perfectly sums up the way I feel about social networking, and how in fact it is killing our social skills. A lot of people now forget what it is to be a friend, or have a lot of trouble in social situations as they have forgotten how to interact with people face-to-face.
Living in London people often discuss how hard it is to meet new friends. I find the best way is to undertake some sort of activity you enjoy. Not only are you gaining new skills and having fun but also socialising without possibly even noticing it. Robinson's article discusses how because we have a need for bonds with other humans that we partake in recreational or social activities. I myself take dance classes three times a week. There are many reasons I love the class; the music, dance itself, fitness. But it is also the sense of community in the class. All of the regulars speak and often meet up outside of class. We all instantly have a connection because we all love dance and the music of Michael Jackson (what the class is all about!). By having a common interest it makes it easy to be sociable. I also feel for me it is nice to go somewhere and still be able to have that human connection. London can be a lonely place as people all bustle about in their own lives, never stopping to look around and take in what is happen. If you travel on the London underground take a look at how many people are sat with headphones on and reading books or newspaper (myself included). There is not even an option of being social with strangers on the tube as everyone is actively cutting themselves off from what is happening around them. So this means people certainly won't stop and converse with a stranger! But by partaking in a hobby or activity you get a sense of community that is lacking everywhere else.
I think the need for this human connection is apparent when we look at the behaviours of my dance class mates and I. Many of my class mates have made it clear in their workplace that on Monday's and Wednesday's they need to leave early as they have a 'commitment'. Some people have even taken a days holiday leave so they can attend a class! I myself now only look for work where I can have flexible hours and can leave early on Monday's and Wednesday. This show just how important this hobby is, and I feel it is due to much more than just the activity itself.
I also think that the alteration in working practices (such a longer hours, more pressure et cetera) has an affect on our social lives. But only if you let them. A lot of my friends, and myself on occasion, fall into the trap that as you are spending most of your week working that you can not make time to see anyone on a weekday and maybe not even the weekend's as you are trying to rest from work or plan for the working week ahead. Robinson states 'There's always time, if you make the time and lose the stranglehold of time urgency -- the false emergency that would have you believe you're too busy to live.' This phrase 'time urgency' really struck a cord with me, as this is something that I come face to face with often with some of my friends. Now I should point out that most of my friends have a great work / life balance that they actively maintain. Once they clock off work they stop working (and thinking about work) and then feed with soul with cultural or social events. I think this is such an important balance to have, or else you can not maintain a healthy mental framework. Robinson says in his article 'People who are content with their social lives are happier and healthier.' And as I say a hundred times a week when you are on your deathbed you do no think about all the great spreadsheets you did. You think about great experiences you had. And I bet none of them are work related.
As the saying goes 'you can sleep when you are dead' so make the most of now and make time for the people in your lives! You will gain so much more by socialising in the long run even if you get a little less sleep.
And modern friendship just seems a bit lazy. People aren't so bothered about texting back a friend or phoning them for a catch up as the most probably have an idea of what is happening in the persons life due to their Facebook updates.
A postcard I read recently sums it up
"Our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness"
I often feel that I am the odd one out as I seem to be the only person I know who is bothered by the lack of human contact I have with a lot of friends. But I think the above quote might have hit the nail on the head. Maybe my friends think our friendship is effortless as they know what I am up to as they have read my status. So what is the need to phone or meet up to discuss what is happening?
The beauty of social networking is that it enables you to feel as if you are engaging with your peers without having to do anything. The key word in the previous sentence is 'feel'. Although there is the impression that you are connected with your friends because you know what is going on in their lives as you have read about it online in fact you are simply a 21st Century online voyeur. Taking a peek into other people's lives whilst remaining hidden and viewing unnoticed. If you were to participate in online behaviour in real life it would go something like this. You would find the friend you want to check up on. Find out where they are (possibly by where they have checked in on on Facebook or by their status) You would then follow them around all day without making yourself known, just observing what they are up to. You'd eventually follow the person home and watch through the window on their house to see what is going on in their lives. Never once do you make yourself known. If you did this you are essentially a stalker and would be arrested.
I think this example goes to show that although real life can somewhat be replicated on social networking sites, but the reverse is that behaviour on social networking sites can not be replicated in the real world. By partaking in online friendships is not the same as having a real friendship. We need to remember what it means to be human and the 'relatedness' that connects all of us. Society has already changed so that the way we now maintain friendships online is the norm. But call me old fashioned but I would much prefer some face-to-face space with my friends any day of the week.
To surmise I would like to expand on a point Robinson makes. 'Clicking is so much easier, but it's the participation that satisfies your core self-determination needs. Friends, optimal moments, elation, exhilaration -- it's all there for us when we step out of the sedentary box and into the center of life fully lived.' Simply knowing a fact is not the same as participating in the event. Imagine if every big event in your life was merely recorded online. No one actually celebrates, commiserates, consoles or cajoles you face-to-face. What sort of existence is that? My fear is that we as humans are now existing online but not actually living in the real world. Life's rich tapestry is woven by the events in your life. Unless we participate in life then what are we doing by merely existing? There is a difference between living and being alive. And the way we can tell the difference is by how we engage with others.
"If the lives of men can be measured in terms of years, ideologies in decades, and nations in centuries, then the unit measuring civilizations, born of the interaction among peoples, would be the millennium". - Abdelaziz Bouteflika
