Social Networking: The Death of Society?

In my previous post Girl. 24. Missing. Can you Help? I commented upon how social networking is making people more isolated than ever before. I have just come across a brilliant article by Joe Robinson called Is Social Networking Destroying Our Social Lives? which discusses this very issue.


Human beings by their very nature are social creatures. Robinson states 'Our core psychological need for "relatedness," say researchers, mandates that we have close relationships with others.' This is what I often refer to as the human touch. It is a primal need for humans to bond and come together. It seems in the digital age as we move towards more online interaction people are forgetting how to relate to each other in real life. The danger of losing the human touch is losing the 'relatedness' that we as humans share. Robinson quotes 'more social isolation feeds less empathy and fewer social skills. We get so used to dealing with people via e-mail or online that we forget how to function around live humans.' This quote perfectly sums up the way I feel about social networking, and how in fact it is killing our social skills. A lot of people now forget what it is to be a friend, or have a lot of trouble in social situations as they have forgotten how to interact with people face-to-face. 


Living in London people often discuss how hard it is to meet new friends. I find the best way is to undertake some sort of activity you enjoy. Not only are you gaining new skills and having fun but also socialising without possibly even noticing it. Robinson's article discusses how because we have a need for bonds with other humans that we partake in recreational or social activities. I myself take dance classes three times a week. There are many reasons I love the class; the music, dance itself, fitness. But it is also the sense of community in the class. All of the regulars speak and often meet up outside of class. We all instantly have a connection because we all love dance and the music of Michael Jackson (what the class is all about!). By having a common interest it makes it easy to be sociable. I also feel for me it is nice to go somewhere and still be able to have that human connection. London can be a lonely place as people all bustle about in their own lives, never stopping to look around and take in what is happen. If you travel on the London underground take a look at how many people are sat with headphones on and reading books or newspaper (myself included). There is not even an option of being social with strangers on the tube as everyone is actively cutting themselves off from what is happening around them. So this means people certainly won't stop and converse with a stranger! But by partaking in a hobby or activity you get a sense of community that is lacking everywhere else.


I think the need for this human connection is apparent when we look at the behaviours of my dance class mates and I. Many of my class mates have made it clear in their workplace that on Monday's and Wednesday's they need to leave early as they have a 'commitment'. Some people have even taken a days holiday leave so they can attend a class! I myself now only look for work where I can have flexible hours and can leave early on Monday's and Wednesday. This show just how important this hobby is, and I feel it is due to much more than just the activity itself.


I also think that the alteration in working practices (such a longer hours, more pressure et cetera)  has an affect on our social lives. But only if you let them. A lot of my friends, and myself on occasion, fall into the trap that as you are spending most of your week working that you can not make time to see anyone on a weekday and maybe not even the weekend's as you are trying to rest from work or plan for the working week ahead. Robinson states 'There's always time, if you make the time and lose the stranglehold of time urgency -- the false emergency that would have you believe you're too busy to live.' This phrase 'time urgency' really struck a cord with me, as this is something that I come face to face with often with some of my friends. Now I should point out that most of my friends have a great work / life balance that they actively maintain. Once they clock off work they stop working (and thinking about work) and then feed with soul with cultural or social events. I think this is such an important balance to have, or else you can not maintain a healthy mental framework. Robinson says in his article 'People who are content with their social lives are happier and healthier.' And as I say a hundred times a week when you are on your deathbed you do no think about all the great spreadsheets you did. You think about great experiences you had. And I bet none of them are work related. 


As the saying goes 'you can sleep when you are dead' so make the most of now and make time for the people in your lives! You will gain so much more by socialising in the long run even if you get a little less sleep. 


And modern friendship just seems a bit lazy. People aren't so bothered about texting back a friend or phoning them for a catch up as the most probably have an idea of what is happening in the persons life due to their Facebook updates.

A postcard I read recently sums it up

"Our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness"

I often feel that I am the odd one out as I seem to be the only person I know who is bothered by the lack of human contact I have with a lot of friends. But I think the above quote might have hit the nail on the head. Maybe my friends think our friendship is effortless as they know what I am up to as they have read my status. So what is the need to phone or meet up to discuss what is happening? 

The beauty of social networking is that it enables you to feel as if you are engaging with your peers without having to do anything. The key word in the previous sentence is 'feel'. Although there is the impression that you are connected with your friends because you know what is going on in their lives as you have read about it online in fact you are simply a 21st Century online voyeur. Taking a peek into other people's lives whilst remaining hidden and viewing unnoticed. If you were to participate in online behaviour in real life it would go something like this. You would find the friend you want to check up on. Find out where they are (possibly by where they have checked in on on Facebook or by their status) You would then follow them around all day without making yourself known, just observing what they are up to. You'd eventually follow the person home and watch through the window on their house to see what is going on in their lives. Never once do you make yourself known. If you did this you are essentially a stalker and would be arrested. 


I think this example goes to show that although real life can somewhat be replicated on social networking sites, but the reverse is that behaviour on social networking sites can not be replicated in the real world. By partaking in online friendships is not the same as having a real friendship. We need to remember what it means to be human and the 'relatedness' that connects all of us. Society has already changed so that the way we now maintain friendships online is the norm. But call me old fashioned but I would much prefer some face-to-face space with my friends any day of the week. 

To surmise I would like to expand on a point Robinson makes. 'Clicking is so much easier, but it's the participation that satisfies your core self-determination needs. Friends, optimal moments, elation, exhilaration -- it's all there for us when we step out of the sedentary box and into the center of life fully lived.' Simply knowing a fact is not the same as participating in the event. Imagine if every big event in your life was merely recorded online. No one actually celebrates, commiserates, consoles or cajoles you face-to-face. What sort of existence is that? My fear is that we as humans are now existing online but not actually living in the real world. Life's rich tapestry is woven by the events in your life. Unless we participate in life then what are we doing by merely existing? There is a difference between living and being alive. And the way we can tell the difference is by how we engage with others. 

"If the lives of men can be measured in terms of years, ideologies in decades, and nations in centuries, then the unit measuring civilizations, born of the interaction among peoples, would be the millennium". - Abdelaziz Bouteflika

  

Girl. 24. Missing. Can you help?

At the end of 2010 a tragic story was to become the top of the news headlines. Joanna Yeates, a young, pretty, successful young woman from Bristol, was murdered and her body not found until over a week later. What really struck me about this story was the fact that the last time she was seen was on Friday night and no one noticed she was missing until Sunday evening. It really got me thinking about how isolated people's existences are in the modern age and also of my own situation.

Joanna's story got me thinking. If something were to happen to me I think it would be about a week before anyone would notice anything was strange and to take action. I do not include my family in this. My mum would have started worrying after not hearing from me in a few days. But I now realise that my mum does not have any contact numbers for anyone I know in London. As I am a freelance worker and always changing workplaces she doesn't have my work number either. Hell even I don't know my work number! If she were worried who could she contact?

The first people to notice anything would be my employers. I think at first they would be annoyed at me missing work but probably after a day or two would worry if I hadn't got in contact. It is quite sad to think the first people to notice things are wrong would be my employer, the people that you have the least connection to.

I think my friends would take a week before they thought something was wrong. If something were to happen to me on a Friday night my flatmate would probably assume that I had gone away for the weekend so wouldn't worry. And sometimes in the week we don't see each other, as it can be like ships passing in the night, so probably still wouldn't think anything was too unusual.

I undertake dance classes three times a week. I think if I missed one lesson people wouldn't think too much of it. If I missed two they might post a message on my Facebook wall to see why I missed class. I don't think until they hadn't heard or seen from me in maybe a week or so that they would actually start to think something was amiss.

My other friends mostly contract me via Facebook. I think if they had noticed I hadn't have any activity on Facebook in a few days they would text to see if I was OK. If they didn't hear back they would probably think I was busy and then not think about it for a few days. I think only after those days would they then start to worry.

Of course we can not forget that people have their own lives. I hold friendship in high esteem and it was interesting discussing this topic with friends as they made it clear that their priorities lie else where. It got me thinking that back in the day you went from your family home to your marital home so you always had someone looking out for you. Now we have so many opportunities and a lot of independence. For people who choose to take advantage of this, who often then have a time in their life where they will live on their own or flatshare and quite possibly in a city away from their families, who is looking out for these people? They say your friends are the family you choose. Yet most of my friends have said that this is not the case for them. They love spending time with their friends but their family is their partner or they are married to their work. Friends come second.

But when did we stop caring about friends so much? I have always looked out for my friends and if I did not hear from them in a day or two I would contact they just to check everything was OK. It really got me thinking that if something were to happen to me who would notice?

I think overall this shows the time we live in. Social networking and the Internet have made us all the masters of our own universes. We control what people see and know and can create any image of ourselves. We then control who can access this information and how much they can know. And we are all so busy maintaining this universe that we forget to live in the real world.

I think it is ironic that it is called social networking because in fact it is quite the opposite. People are less social. How often do you communicate to friends not via the Internet?

When I discussed with with a few friends they said that they would notice if I hadn't been on Facebook for a few days. Gone are the days when people text each other, or heaven forbid even spoke on the phone. I remember when society was complaining about the lack of face-to-face time people now have due to texting. Now texting would be seen as a blessing!

We are all becoming islands and instead of new technology bringing people together it is making us all more isolated than ever. It should never be the case that it takes days for people to realise a friend is missing or in trouble. How sad it is that we live in a society where someone can have been murdered and be lying in a ditch in the snow for 2 days before someone even realises she is missing?

I hope that if only one positive thing can come out of the sad case of Joanna Yeates is that we realise as people we need to start looking out for those we hold dear more closely. How would you feel if something happened to one of your friends and you had not noticed she was in trouble? Would this play on your conscience? Could you live with yourself?

And maybe it will stir further discussion into what friendship means in society today. What type of friend are you? Would you want to be friends with you regarding the way you currently look out for your friends?

As Jerry Springer would say 'take care of yourself and each other'.

For Colored Girls - Review

This week I had the pleasure of attending a screening of Tyler's Perry latest film 'For Colored Girls' at The New Black Film Club. All I can say is wow. This is one of the most powerful films I have seen in a long time. Not often do I leave a film and still be thinking about it days later but this is one of them. Poetic prose, beautiful acting, gripping drama and high emotions run throughout.  Powerful, intense, beautiful, deep, delicate - a true must see.

The film, based on the Ntozake Shange play "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf", follows nine women as they struggle with issues such as abortion, domestic violence and rape. All nine women's lives are intrinsically interwoven and the film details the struggles each character faces before the tapestry entwining the women in revealed. This is achieved very delicately and highlights the fact that as humans we are all connected even if on the surface it is not obvious what the superficial connection is.

The film is an emotional rollercoaster. Funny, poignant, gripping and heartbreaking. I found the ability for a storyline to suddenly change from funny to horrifying something quite brilliant. Sometimes the film does seem to struggle when the poetic prose is spoken as it can be hard to follow, but if you persist you will find the beauty in the words recited. I found the dialogue about rape particularly touching and gave an incredible insight into female views and societal attitudes which was both eyeopening and very moving.

The aspect I am most impressed with is Perry's ability to write women which is just extraordinary. As a woman I feel every character was completely relatable and ultra realistic. This is an incredible talent to come from a man. I truly believe Perry's work should receive more praise as what he has achieved is something quite unique.

Through this understanding of women Perry manages to capture exactly the right emotions. As the characters as so relatable you can not help but be drawn away with these emotions yourself. Although many of the stories detail much tragedy all of the character are incredibly strong, resilient women. By the end female viewers will leave the cinema feeling empowered with a true sense of sisterhood that is achieved simply through knowing that as women we have a bond.

The cast is incredibly strong. Kimberley Elise, who plays Crystal, gives an outstanding performance. The fact that she hasn't been given an Oscar nomination is something that stuns me. Loretta Devine was superb as always and gave the film great moments of lightness to cut through some of the tragedy. Not much has been said of Thandie Newton's performance but I thought she also stood out. She played a fractured woman excellently.

I am a huge fan of Whoopi Goldberg but I feel that the role didn't enable Whoopi to fulfil her whole potential. I have also seen many reviews criticising Janet Jackson's performance, mainly stating she was wooden. I read one review that interesting though as it stated that the woodenness actually perfectly suited the character as Jackson played a women so concerned with saving face and appearing strong that she almost made a mannequin of herself, devoid of human emotion. I feel this is most probably the case and although I always felt like I was wanting a bit more from Jackson she actually played a hard faced bitch well! And once she realises that she needs to change I felt Janet created the correct balance between someone wanting to become a better person but finding it hard to shed themselves to do so.

The term 'colored' in the film does not directly relate to race (although this is an all black cast) but instead describes the tainting or colouring of a persons character when something bad happens to them. Although some of the issues seemed to have a stronger connection to black culture all women, or people in fact, regardless of their ethnicity, heritage, background or race can relate to the topics highlighted in the film.

I also liked that this film gave a true insight into black culture. I think in society today that non-black people feel they can to a degree understand what it is to be black, as there is more representation of black characters in media and black role models in society. But what this film shows is that we are all well versed in the white representation of black culture. What 'For Colored Girls' does is give an accurate portrayal of what it is to be black and female in modern society. This was eyeopening and refreshing.

I felt truly privileged to be able to watch this film in an all black audience and see first hand just how the audience reacted to the film. This is what made me realise that the film accurately represents what it is to be black and female today. The women were vocal about empathising with the females in the film and laughed joyously when a character was  gave attitude. The emotions portrayed on the screen were mimicked in the viewing as the audience related to the situations and reactions.



I also loved being in an environment with such community. Most people knew each other and if they didn't they were also certain to have a mutual friend to introduce you to new people. In London it is very rare for strangers to speak to each other so it was lovely to be able to converse with strangers. A discussion I have often with good friends is what does it mean to be British? And I often have trouble giving them an answer. I particularly find it hard when asked to define what it is to be white British. There is a real lack of culture in white British society and it was so refreshing to see community spirit is alive and well in other denominations of British culture.

I would like to say a big thank you to The New Black Film Club for a wonderful (and free!) screening. I will certainly be attending more events.

In conclusion this is a film that rarely comes along. Combining excellent scripting, outstanding acting, incredible characters and outstanding drama and emotions it is an experience that will stay with you long after you leave the cinema. This film certainly will connect more with women and as a woman I am so glad to have viewed something that left me feeling so empowered. 'For Colored Girls' gives so many truthful insight into what it is to be a woman and women's place in society that is it much more than just a film. Any film that can still get you thinking about the issues raised days after you have watched it is something quite remarkable. I highly recommend everyone to watch this film when they get the chance.

9.5/10

Avatars vs. Friends?

So this past week I have been really out of sorts. I am usually quite a happy-go-lucky sort of person with a positive outlook. This is how I like to be and feel most comfortable being. But since my birthday I have been in a really bad mood. And just when I thought it was lifting I am starting to feel a bit annoyed again! It's like an emotional rollercoaster and I am ready to get off!

The specifics of my bad mood are irrelevant but the general feeling is one of disappointment in what I perceived certain friendships to mean.

When in a bad mood some people don't want anyone to speak to them. Some people want to be surrounded with friends. Some people want to talk it out. Usually I will keep what I am thinking inside and then do not speak about it and just work things out in my own head. But if I am to speak and express how I am feeling it is due to the fact that I want to talk things out. This time I wanted to talk.

I think friends then react differently due to the way that they want to be treated when they are in a bad mood. Like I have said before people can only create systems and beliefs based on their experiences as this is what makes their world view up, and therefore dictates their actions. But this does not necessarily always add up to the right course of action as it might not be how others want to be treated. In this case no one wanted to listen.

With me I express how I am feeling and then it is out there and done with. Once I have released that emotion I move on. This is the case usually. So this is why I think I am having a hard time at the moment as I am releasing my thoughts but still not being able to move on from the negative emotions. I think it is down to the fact that my bad feelings are to do with friendships, which is something that I hold close to my heart. I think because I am openly expressing my thoughts and disappointment but I am not getting any response from friends I am finding it hard to move away from these feelings. I am the sort of person that needs to talk things through or at least for people to truly listen and understand why I am feeling the way I am. Or perhaps even give me a different perspective so it helps alter my head space.

But as these feelings are not being discussed or resolved what is happening is it is starting to have a negative effect on these friendships. It is making me question what I though the friendships meant and were based on. And as I am questioning this I am then starting to change my feelings towards the people. It is a case of the foundations being rocked. Once this happens can the structure ever be as it was before?

As I mentioned earlier I think this is a combination of people reacting how they think they should react due to their preference of treatment and the fact we are in the digital age and that people have somewhat forgotten about human interaction and what it truly means to be a friend. I remember when I was younger friendships were a lot closer and you actually talked and hung out with each other, whereas now due to the ease of social networking people have become lazy with actual interaction and see no problem with remaining a avatar rather than a friend.

One thing that helped lift my mood yesterday was getting a phone call from a great friend from college, Sonia. There is nothing better (apart from being face-to-face when it is possible obviously!) to actually speak and talk and catch up with an old friend. To learn all about what is going on in their lives and actual be able to hear the emotions in their voice about how they really are doing. To reminisce and feel that connection between friends. The simple act of hearing each others voices enables you to actually feel the bond you have and why you are friends.

I sometimes feel that in the digital age we talk to people but do we really listen? Do you zone out when others speak whilst in your head planning what you are going to say next? The art of knowing true friendship is reveling in what the other person is saying and thinking. Wanting to spend time with them and being eager to actually know how they are. I think this is what I feel is lacking in a lot of my current friendships and is what I am longing for. This is what is making me sad and at the same time angry. The loss of that basic human connection. The human touch.

The very writing of this blog may be seen as an emotional outburst, (or being a drama-queen - something I have been accused of on more than one occasion) but as I am feeling such discontent as my expressing of feelings is not being address then I hope writing them down will dissolve them so I can go back to being who I am, and stop any further corrosion to the affected friendships. Expressing yourself might not be everyones cup of tea but it is the remedy for some people. So instead of dismissing them, or assuming they are dramatic, maybe it is time for people to start listening when people say things are wrong and also to challenge themselves to be open enough to face problems head on. I may be a drama queen but at least I deal with my emotions and feelings.

And remember the universe is not about you. Try to get back in tune with that basic human instinct of empathy. Once you start tuning back in to what it is to be human the world opens up. Your life feels more fulfilled. But once you feel this empathy does not exist it is a tad soul-destroying.

Now if only there was someone to have an actual discussion about this with! But alas instead I will submit to my peers behaviours and use the faceless Internet as my listening ear.

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down" - Anon

The art of 'dealing with your shit'

I know I am an emotive person. My emotions are written all over my face and I quite openly express to people how I feel. I find it interesting that in society emotive people are seen as 'weak' and stoic, closed people are seen as 'strong'. I think it would be interesting to see why they are perceived that way and to maybe challenge people's perceptions of this. For example for me I do not see being emotive as a bad thing. I think it is healthy to release what you are feeling, particularly if it is anger, sadness or upset as keeping these things in is often destructive. Also if people can not release their emotions it mean they dwell and fester inside over a long period of time.

My mantra on life has always been 'deal with your shit'. This is one reason I am expressive. I will not allow problems to dwell inside and send myself on a path of self-destruction simply because I don't want to address problems. This is why I think it is interesting that being emotive is seen as weak. I see it as quite the opposite. To never express or deal with problem and to allow them to dictate and control your life and how you treat others is not strong. It is weak. You are not in control. Your emotions are. You are more emotional than an expressive person, but you use a stoic facade to cover it up. Of course facing problems and in particular address people that are involved in these problems is never easy. But life isn't easy. That's just a fact. Deal with it. As I would say deal with your shit. Because at some point it stops being just your problem and it has a negative affect on other people. 

The above may seem to be addressed to people who have negative reactions to emotions, be in violence, a high level of anger or self-destructive behaviors like alcohol or substance abuse. But I think just as negative are people who sit on the fence and never express themselves. No one likes getting into confrontations. I hate it! But I will not allow my fear of rocking the boat or possibly upsetting others prevent me from dealing with problems that make me feel bad.

Because I am not afraid to speak up often I am seen as the bolshy one or a drama queen. And people who sit on the fence (or in another term are spineless) are happy, or probably more appropriately, are comfortable for someone else to take the flack. If an outspoken person is happy to voice your opinion then why also stand up and possibly take some negative comments or criticism yourself? The problem is what happens when there is no one to voice your opinion? Then people will trample you and you will allow yourself to be mistreated. Deal with your shit. Take a stand. At some point everyone needs to learn they have to stand up for themselves, be true to themselves and deal with the emotions you have and the reactions these get from others.

Of course this would be a lot easier if all humans were accountable for their actions and rational as well as be able to empathise. Alas this is not the case. Until we reach this place I will have to settle as being seen as an emotional drama queen. But at least I am safe in the knowledge that I am dealing with my shit.

"The feeling is often the deeper truth, the opinion the more superficial one."  ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare

“It is the mind which creates the world around us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours, my heart will never stir to the emotions with which yours is touched.” - George Gissing

Michael Jackson & Proper Emotion - Response 2

So today was a wonderful day! I received the best news today. Hasinah's visa has been granted! I have been so hopefully that this would be the outcome and the excitement and relief I felt when I heard was immense. I really don't know what I would have done if I was to lose my friend to the other side of the world. So now the aim is to make The House of H & S a reality!

Today was also the first dance lesson of 2011. Oh how I have missed it! The atmosphere of Pineapple, the camaraderie with my classmates and the ringleader - King himself! It was great to get back into it and with one of my favourites, Jam! It was a great workout and I can not wait for many more enjoyable classes.

Now as you may have read Hasinah recently wrote a blog which included an article 'Michael Jackson and Proper Emotions'. I wrote a response to this and Hasinah has replied. It was great to hear her view and it made me think again.

Below is my response to the latest reply about the article. Alas it was yet again too long for Hasinah's comments box so I thought I would post it here.


Further response to article

It was very interesting to read your response. I still have a problem with the fact that people who felt any degree of grief over the death of Michael Jackson are seen to be overreacting. At what degree does people grief become overreacting? Of course the people that killed themselves can be deemed by almost everyone as overreacting but what are the definitions for the rest of the people? Are there acceptable degrees of grief? What is the tipping point?

I still feel that instead of looking at the factors of why people feel the emotions they do that instead it is a case of the author not feeling the same way and therefore stating that anyone who does feel grief is overreacting. As the author does not understand why anyone would feel that way he can not relate to it. Therefore if he can not understand and decode it then it must be an overreaction. It is again the topic of your views and outlook are created by the experiences you have as this is how you make understanding. But what then makes you the expert therefore granting you rights to claim other people's emotions are wrong? It almost seems as if he needs grief to be quantifiable and be able to be charted against grieving emotions compared to the persons closeness to the situation. But grief is an emotion and all emotions are subjective and there is no way to quantify them. So really the only way to know if someone is overreacting is to understand their perspective as to WHY they feel this way. As emotions are not a science (of course emotions are created by chemicals in the brain) but feelings are unique to every single person and actually the concept of emotions is abstract. Such as when we discussed what is love? Every single person who explain it in a different way. This is the same with all emotions so how can the author cast aspersions onto people in regard to something that is so subjective?

It is bombastic to claim that anyone that feels grief at all it wrong. And why do certain people feel they have authority over what is correct to feel and not? As I mentioned the author will hold some things in esteem which I would totally disregard but I am not the one to judge him for this.

 Lest we forget Jackson is not the only person to have a public outpouring of grief. So if millions of people do it are they all wrong, yet the author is right? What qualifications does he have to make this judgement and to belittle people who feel these emotions?


My emotional response to the passing of Michael Jackson

I did not bring into my response personal feeling as it is not appropriate but as I don't feel the point was put across I will discuss my personal emotions over the loss of Jackson.

I personal felt, and still feel to some degree, what can be defined as grief over the passing of Michael Jackson. I was not a 'superfan' I just loved MJ's music and moves. I never had any merchandise, never read any articles, never followed what he was doing professionally or personally unless a single or album was out. But Michael Jackson was a constant throughout my life. My household was never musical, the radio never played, but the only albums we ever played in the household was Michael Jackson. Lest we forget that Jackson's career started when my mother was a girl watching The Jackson 5 with my grandmother.

In my childhood everyone wanted to be Michael Jackson. There was a magical quality to this man who's talents knew no abounds. Just when you thought you had seen it all MJ would pull something new and sensational out the bag. He was still thrilling people in the This Is It rehearsals, until the few hours before his death. In my primary school dances the highlight was always when Michael Jackson would come on and the whole school stopped to surround a boy named Freedom as we watched as he performed the entrancing and magical movements of Michael Jackson.

I will admit in the years after the 'History' album I lost interest somewhat. I didn't follow was was going on. This changed once I heard in 2008 that at some point Michael Jackson would be doing a residency at the O2. I knew I would do anything to get to see what would be the greatest show on earth by the best performer in the world. That inner child wanted it's childhood fantasy accomplished. I knew I would be dazzled and the thought of the atmosphere in that arena with 20,000 watching Jackson perform is still enough to give me goosebumps. Alas this was never to be.

On hearing of MJ's passing the first few days I was filled with a sense of wonderment of just what an incredible impact he had had on people. On 26th June 2009 every single shop, car and headphone was blasting out Jackson classics. It was such a great emotion to know we were all celebrating a life that we had received such pleasure and entertainment from.

In the few weeks afterward was when I started to feel grief. Grief for the loss of great talent. Sadness for a man that never really got to feel true happiness and satisfaction. A man who seemed to have it all but still carried an overwhelming sense of sadness and loneliness about him. Heartache for his children, far to young to lose their only parent. And a sadness for the loss of my childhood.

To me Michael Jackson is much more than a great singer and performer. He was the best. He is what everyone strives to be. He made songs that touched the soul, his moves defied logic and caused that childlike feeling of excitement of when we see something magical, his humanitarian work and altruism is inspirational and reminds me that I am not what life is all about - to look outside myself, help others and remember L.O.V.E. He overcame adversity again and again. He is the prime example of an underdog, a figure that people always stand behind. He conducted himself with grace and dignity no matter what was thrown at him. And most importantly he brought people together. He broke down barriers not just in music and dance but in society, in race relations, in environmental issues. He taught me how to be a better person. He was the last fantastical figure of my childhood that remained, unlike santa or faeries who disappeared long ago, and now that image was shattered as I realised he wasn't invincible, he was flesh and blood like the rest of us and ultimately perishable. And that is why I grieve for Michael Jackson. 

Conclusion

People may feel I overreact when I say I grieve for him. But it is much more than just the person or his image. I grieve for my lost childhood and all the wonderment and feelings of possibility he game me. I don't even think it is the person Michael Jackson we grieve. It is the idea of Michael Jackson and all that that image stands for,  the emotions we had personally attached to this ideal and the loss of all of these factors. And that is why I think people grieve for Michael Jackson.

Emotions are irrational and this is why I don't think you can quantify them and decide that any degree of grieving is irrational. Unless you understand someone's story, and even once you do, what qualifies you to condemn that person's emotions?

 Here are some links to some articles I read after the passing of Jackson. The first one I think sums up how a lot of people I know felt. As i mentioned before a lot of people grew up with MJ as a constant presence in their life, which explains why people had an affinity towards him. This article discusses this.

There were some quotes in that article that really touched me.

"The thought of Michael Joseph Jackson not being alive is completely implausible....I then heard a woman ask to no one in particular if we had heard that Michael Jackson had died. The entire subway car gasped, and it seemed the same feeling that had taken over my body minutes earlier had found new destinations of flesh and soul to take hold of....one thing remains consistent from generation to generation; we aren't supposed to live in a world without Michael Jackson."

"In a strange way, Michael's death has made him human again. In his passing, we were able to see the great son, brother, father and humanitarian that Michael had evolved into during his short 50 years on this earth...A year later, we see Michael in a different light; a light that has shunned hypocritical finger pointing and embraced an everlasting bond that will always be shared through his music."

And  this article discusses childhood and the fact that all around the world people felt the same towards Jackson, creating a common link that enabled people all around the world to join.

  _______________________________________

Well that was a long entry! It would be great to hear other people's opinions on the article and response.

Until next time I wish you much happiness,

Sophie

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight". ~Kahlil Gibran

"Sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing". ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Response to 'Michael Jackson & Proper Emotions'

A good friend of my recently posted a blog which included an article 'Michael Jackson & Proper Emotions'. As a Michael Jackson fan I was intrigued to read the authors view on what he feels as proper and improper responses to Jackson's death.

Here is my response to the article.

The Michael Jackson & Proper Emotions article was interesting but there are quite a few points I have a problem with. As the author points out attaching emotions to a constructed image of a person, not the real person, is as ludicrous as attaching emotions to an object such as jewellery. But people still do this. It doesn't matter if it is right or wrong but the majority of humans attach emotions to things which are valueless. 

If the author is correct in his thinking than it it is just as ludacrise to live your life by some philosophy you have read or a faith you follow. Essentially everything is meaningless and humans, because we operate on emotions and thoughts and not just instict like animals, attach emotions and thoughts onto things to be able to make sense of the world, or to make ourselves feel better. Humans attatch their own meaning onto everything themselves, so one persons thoughts can not be deemed inappropriate by another, who will also attach emotions onto an object or being that someone else will deem inappropriate. Something that the author holds in great esteem I may view as valueless. But who is the ultimate correct judge on the actual value of said item? When you really think about it everything in life is subjective so there is never any absolute right or wrong answer.

This is not just something humans do out of instinct. This is bred by our upbringing. In the West we are indoctriated from birth by schools, governments, the media that all our aspriations and our meaning in life it to achieve as much material wealth and financial gain as possible. This is one reason humans attach emotions to objects. We have been brought up to give these objects value and meaning. This is the very heart at what advertising is about. 

And in such a competitive environment human very quickly become egocentric and forget their primal connection to each other. This is why I think people invest heavy amounts of emotions onto people who remind them of this and this gives them something to aspire to, to make them feel more 'human' again.

For me the image that was projected of Michael Jackson was one of kindness, humbleness, altruism, genius talent, grace and dignity. An image most people would like to aspire to, or traits that are deemed in society as good. And I think this is why people felt such emotion towards him. He was a great role model in a time of much destruction - be it destruction of society, the planet or of each other. He reminded people to not think of themselves but look at the bigger picture and remember to look after others and the planet. And I feel that there is nothing wrong with wanting to aspire to this as there is no real difference between this and what religious followers partake in. The only difference is that society tell us it is acceptable to follow a religious mantra and regime of living but it is not acceptable to apply a similar thought process onto something that is not holy and deemed by 'god'.

But the very concept of god and religion is abstract itself. And who is actually capable of dictating what is true and good or false and bad when it comes to human thinking? After all ancient Greek religion is now termed mythology as 'they' (whoever they are) deemed it is not realistic or rational yet modern religion is seen to be these things. But what really is the true difference? Why is a god of thunder like Zeus any different to 'God', 'Allah' or 'Krishna'? To me it is no more ludicrous to believe in a god than it is to believe in unicorns or the values that 'Michael Jackson' (I this as the Michael Jackson the public know is not the man himself. But we are not talking about the actual man instead we discuss the public image and what this means to people as this is the only Michael Jackson we know of) embodied. 

For some people Jackson would have been a constant in their life and when everything else was bad they still had this man who's nature and philosophy on life was inspirational and aspirational and as he is unspeaking he is therefore unjudging. But isn't this actually what a god is? A constant 'being' that guides you to live a better life by a written mantra on how to live a good and happy life. A 'being' who is unjudging and always there? The only difference is what society deems is acceptable and unacceptable. 

I would like to point out that I do not see Jackson as some sort of god-like figure but as per my previous point I don't think that attaching those emotions to the image of Jackson is any more ridiculous that attaching emotions to a god. Both are just constructs humans have created to make sense of their perception of the world.

And how many of us truly know someone. Everyone portrays themselves in a certain light and this is projected in different ways to different people. For example you will act one way with your mother, another way with your friends and another way with colleagues. And there are very few humans that actually lay themselves bare and show their true selves. Those who do are actually something quite beautiful. And a celebrity is just a spotlighted version of this. Of course they have a media image to make them look good, but what person out there doesn't portray themselves as good?

Also you can never judge a persons emotions until you know why they feel the way they do. Every person's views are dependant on what they have experienced in life. So the author may not attach much emotion onto objects or people he does not know but other people are more sensitive and emotive and may have a reason behind why they are like that. As the author knows nothing of their experience then it is very unfair to tarnish everyone with the same brush and ultimately dismiss every one of their feelings or thoughts. 

And I am not denying the fact that people do over react. There is something back Jackson that enables these 'superfans', for lack of a better word, who give up their lives to follow the man. We all know this is not normal, rational behaviour. But I would be more interested in understanding the psychology and experiences of these people rather than automatically dismissing them.

And the fact that a lot of people were saddened by the loss of Jackson more than they would when other celebrities die is testament to the man. After all he is lauded as someone who united people, broke down barriers and revolutionised the entertainment industry. He is a key cultural figure of our times and this is partly the reason I feel there was such a public reaction to his passing. After all it is very few that are mourned by a nation, or in this case the world. And often they are people of great accomplishment on speaking on peace, altruism and equality. Only people like Princess Diana, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr, and the Kennedy's experience this outpouring. Which shows that human's respond to the loss of these figure with grief as they are more 'grieving' for what the person stood for not the person themselves. People identified that what these people stood for were good and something to aspire to. It is important to realise a person can be separated from themselves. Michael Jackson, the public figure is not Michael Jackson the private figure. No one can judge the man himself and not many people, and quite possible no one, knows the real Michael Jackson. And lest we forget that people are constructs of their circumstance and experiences. If you look at elevated figures in history like Michael Jackson and Martin Luther King their upbringings and experiences are not dissimilar to people such a Hitler. Yet it was only the way that they dealt with these experiences and how these experiences shaped their world view and philosophy that separates them. And this is the reason why it is important to remember to look into the fact that people are constructs of their experiences and their emotions are dictated by that. So as the saying goes 'don't judge another until you've walked a mile in his shoes'.

I fear I have made my response longer than the actual article but I felt it was something I wanted to give my self-constructed, experience lead opinion as well. After all I am only human.

Happy New Year!

Well in the final months of 2010 a lot, and very little simultaneously, seemed to happen but alas I ignored this blog so you were to know none of this! So in the coming weeks I will strive to update all things Dance4Life and in my life that happened since the previous entry.

So we have entered a new year. Happy New Year! And may I wish you a prosperous 2011 full of laugher, joy and happiness. I always love new year as even though nothing has changed except for the date it does seem to have a air of rejuvenation and a renewed sense of possibility and optimism. Of course this is a manmade oddity, but I think it is quite wonderful that people all come together with a sense of renewal and revived enthusiasm. It's incredible that a change in date can make people let go of the past years events and look forward with positivity at the possibilities that lay ahead in the coming year. Albeit that this feeling last until about midday on 1st January when people go back to complaining! Lol. Human nature...you've got to laugh!

So here is a brief overview of a few things that have happened in the past few weeks. I will write more in upcoming blogs.

Christmas
So this Christmas I travelled back to Portsmouth. Over the past couple of years I have been away from home for Christmas in London or New York or Las Vegas. But there is something about going back to your childhood home that makes Christmas feel proper. It was wonderful to see family again, and this year I saw nearly all my family all in one day. But it was fantastic! It was great to all be together, having fun. I had a great time playing video games with my cousins whilst the rest of the family joined in for a singalong when we played Band Hero. It was just good, clean, family fun and I wouldn't change it for anything!


New Years
New Years is one of my favorite nights of the year. I get a real feeling of mixed emotions on New Years Eve as we say goodbye to everything that has happened and end the chapter of 2010. But I also get a great feeling of excitement as the countdown begins!

This year Hasinah, Louise and James came to my house and we left 2010 how Hasinah and myself spent most of 2010 - Dancing! We had so much fun playing dancing games. And I never knew just how much stamina I had. After we were battled out James and Louise headed off to the fireworks on the Thames whist me and Hasinah tried to out do our scores. This may not be what most people feel is the most exciting way to celebrate new year but I felt appropriate to dance our way into the new year! The company of great people and doing something you enjoy is the greatest celebration of not only an event but also life itself.

The snow!

I think the snow is possibly the best thing to happen to London since the war! I delighted in a few precious moments where people all came together, which is something exceptionally rare in London. One Saturday Hasinah and myself attended a day full of dance workshops at Sadler's Wells. During the first workshop it started to snow. But the end of the session the snow was curb deep! I couldn't wait to get outside to experience it. I love the crunch of fresh snow underfoot. During a well deserved break, Hasinah, Ben (our choreographer) and myself ventured outside. It was inevitable that Hasinah and I would engage in a snowball fight but what occurred was quite extraordinary. Once we started other passersby join in. Adults and children alike! It was such a great sense of community and fun! Everyone let their inner child out and it was wonderful. It is so rare for people to even smile at each other in London so to see everyone come together to play was magical.

At one point I threw a snowball at Hasinah's head but it went straight over and hit a man on the back of the head. He then turned around and I tutted and said 'children!'. I guess the naughty child inside never stops putting the blame of mischief onto peers!

A few days later I tried to venture out in my car which was covered in about 8 inches of snow. Whilst trying to dust it off a lady and her 2 children came along and asked if they could help remove the snow by having a snowball fight. Needless to say I was well up for that! It was so great to see once again the playfulness in adults that the snow brought out! Afterwards the lady and her children still helped me until my car was completely clear. Again it was such a joy to see the community spirit that the weather brought to London.

Once inside my car I was waiting for the car to warm up and had Michael Jackson blaring out. I didn't realise that it was loud enough to hear outside until a man came up to my window and started dancing in the street. I think it was the best 5 minutes I had had in a long time. I really hope that we Londoners can learn from this and keep it up!

Resolutions

I have never made new years resolutions as it seems almost inevitable that people break them quite quickly. I think putting pressures or boundaries on yourself in most cases ends in failure of some sort, whether it be failing at the task in hand or making yourself miserable whilst trying to achieve said task. In my opinion happiness is the most vital component in life so anything that restricts or disables this, especially if it is self-inflicted, is counterproductive and life limiting. We have one life. Enjoy every moment and never succumb to living a mundane existence. When you are on your deathbed you won't remember all the spreadsheets you filled in, you will remember the experiences you have had. So make sure your life is filled with those moments! There is a big difference between living and simply being alive.

As Abraham Lincoln said 

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

I think it is the saddest thing when people never really find true happiness or enjoyment with life as they get caught up in the struggle for survival or other people's expectations. It is truly liberating to cast off your inhibitions and expectations and live how you want to live. And I should also add that happiness can not be found with financial or material gain. It is something that is found from within. I think this is something we have lost touch with in the West, but this is mainly down to us all being a product of our society and the systems we have been indoctrinated into.

I encourage people to try this year to truly find your personal happiness and see just how much of a difference it makes to your mental well-being. This is the one thing I feel I really achieved in 2010 and I am so much happier for it!

But for the first time this year I have felt like making resolutions. It may be due to the fact that 2010 was quite a year of upheaval and the turning of a new leaf represented by the new year seems like a good place to put a full stop at the end of the uncertain times. But I have not succumb to making resolutions. Instead I have planted a seed in the back of my head that now is the time I should go about making sure I am truly happy and accomplish things that make me feel that way. Hopefully the brainbox will nourish this and I will see this come to fruition!

I had better stop before I start rambling (oh wait I think I already did!). But until next time I bid you much happiness.

Sophie

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

 - Groucho Marx

Update...a continuation

So we have finally arrived in Newcastle and are having a well deserved break. The perfect time to update this blog!

So as I wrote last time we did our training in Telscombe near Brighton. We actually lived like Amish for a week as we had no TV, no Internet and no phone signal so we were completely cut off from the world. But it was actually fun and quite nice to be uncontactable and not to be surrounded by technology and a constant stream of information and updates. It also meant we never lost focus of what we were training for and that we all got to know each other really well.

Day 2 - Training Week - Telscombe


So on day one of training we actually got to meet each other properly. In our little Telscombe home was Hasinah and myself, El and Lydia, Mikel and Marlon (who were amazing facilitators last year and would be teaching us all how to facilitate), Bonani, Esnart and George (the three speakers for this years tour), Anna and Lotti (from Restless Development) and Mum. Later in the week we were joined by the final two facilitators Katarina and Charli. So that is the Dance4Life family! We were in the worlds smallest hostel so it was quite an intimate way to get to know each other.

Our Hostel

The first day of training was all about HIV and Aids. It was an intensive day but so very interesting. We learnt so much and I felt well prepared to be able to talk to the young people we would be doing the workshops with. It also made us all realise just how important it is for people to be educated on the facts about HIV and Aids to be able to protect themselves and also to dispel any myths and stigmas.

Day one was also Mikel's birthday. It was great to get everyone together and celebrate and it was the first time people properly got to speak.

Marlon had arranged an amazing birthday card and cake.

Day two was all about facilitating. Marlon and Mikel did some really great games with us, including Facebook, where everyone says a status and then if you could write the same status you go towards the people in the group you think would also have that status. For example we had 'I know how to put on a condom with my mouth'. So we got to know a lot about each other in that session! It was a really fun day but we also got to learn a lot. Marlon and Mikel are amazing and made everyone really excited and comfortable about facilitating. They are also great when on stage so they really gave us something to look up to! They are both really cool guys and I think everyone joined the M & M fan club pretty quickly!

The other great thing about day 2 was learning all the routines! We had about 2 hours to learn all 5 routines and we only went through them once, but thankfully they weren't too hard. The hardest thing was getting the songs out of our head. They are very catchy but (some of them) very annoying!

Day three was all about learning the script. But first we had to sort out the schedule for the tour. The only downside of the week so far was that everyone had been given misinformation about the tour. So all of us thought that we were doing the whole two months but it turns out that there would only be 2 facilitators at a time which meant we would only be doing 2 weeks each. This caused loads of problems as everyone had turned down other work for the tour. So this took quite a long time to sort but thankfully the girls were amazing and we sorted out our schedules.

Next we needed to rehearse the script. Especially since we were just told that the next day we would be going into a school to do our first workshop. Scary! We split into our groups. In mine was Hasinah, George and myself. We renamed ourselves the Dream Team AKA the Cherios. We literally ran through it twice by ourselves and once with Marlon. Thankfully our run through with Marlon went well and I was really excited to get into the school!

Well this has been a whistle-stop tour of training week, even though it has managed to be the longest blog! Next time what happened in training when we weren't working and how the first school went!

Til then!

Finally...an update!

So I have fnally got around to writing an update! The last time I wrote I was heading off for training. Now I have completed the weeks training and the first week of the tour! So much to talk about!


Training - Week One - Telscombe
So on a rainy Sunday me and Hasinah headed off from London Victoria to Brighton, the destination for our training. Or so we thought. In actual fact we were headed off to Telscombe about 30 minutes away from Brighton. But first the journey! We got onto the most packed train I have been on in ages, the doorways were rammed with people. It was like being on a rush hour tube. Luckily we (and our huge array of luggage) got seats! When we arrived in Brighton we followed instructions to get a bus. Simple enough, except the next bus would be in an hour and 20 minutes. I forgot just how lucky we are to live in London and have public transport every 3 minutes. London I love you!

So we soon realised we didn't want to stand in the cold for that long to headed back to the station. Thank godness we did as about 20 minutes later Anna from Restless Development (the charity we are working for) arrived to collect us. We had no idea we were being collected so this was a big relief! This would be the first of many miscommunications but this all adds to the experience!

We also met Lydia and El, our fellow facilitators. Both Lydia and El had completed dance degrees (much to mine and Hasinah's panic - we later found out that we were the only people with no formal dance background!). They were both lovely and it was great to know that we would be spending the training week with friendly, fun people. We also met Ash who was going to be our driver for the whole tour. Ash had already been christened Mum by the time we arrived, and she had only been with the Dance4Life team for 4 days!

We then had a lovely coastal drive to Telscombe. It is literally in the middle of nowhere and only has 10 houses in the whole of the village. But the surroundings were beautiful and so peaceful! When we arrived all of te speakers were resting so we didn't really meet them. Instead me, Hasinah, Lydia and El went for a walk up the hill by our hostel and into the fields. It was getting dark and we were joking about us actuallybeing in a horror film as we were in the middle of nowhere with no mobile signal, in the dark and in a field. Perfect set up. But it was great all going up on the hill and getting to know each other.

After we got cold we all headed back to watch a film in the hostel. Four Lions if you want to know. Always great to get to know people over a comedy about terrorists. But it was really relaxed, little did we know it would be one of the only nights we would have t relax. So it was really great.

The next day the training started properly...but I will save that for another blog. Right now as I type this Hasinah is asleep so I think it is time to rest before our drive to Newcastle tomorrow. So I will relive the past two weeks via blogging tomorrow.

Until then have fun people!